I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
