Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
