I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
