Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why do cheetos always look like penises
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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