Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
