He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
