i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
