and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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