I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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