Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
