you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
