Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
