Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
