if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
