My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
