Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Farmville is her only friend.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
