Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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