overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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