And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have so much sex to catch up on
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
