Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I believe in your delicious
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
