i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
