I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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