i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
