I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
