I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
