apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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