There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
