You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
