those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
