Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
