Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
