I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
