We're facebook friends in real life
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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