At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
