I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
