Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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