Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
