I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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