Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
