I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
