It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
