you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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