I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
