You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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