wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm like, not good at living.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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