And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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