i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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