I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
