so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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