Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
