Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
