Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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