when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
